I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm getting married
To pizza
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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