Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
