i think i have herpe
just one?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
