shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I understand Curling. That high.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
