My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
