now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
