Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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