My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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