So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
