First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
