Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
