So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
