we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
