And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
