dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
