we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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