Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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