i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Are we still banned from the library?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize