Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
