I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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