I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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