I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you guys were way drunker than both of me
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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