This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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