You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
