just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
