so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
