and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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