so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
