i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
