Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize