I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
