You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.