I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
