i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick