Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store