I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.