Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
