I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize