its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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