I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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