Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
