508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Randomize
