3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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