why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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