We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
