before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
