This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just blew my weed a kiss
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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