I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
