im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
