Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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