I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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