If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So here I am, sexting at work.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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