I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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