Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
