I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I'm really busy with my period
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