shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
