Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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