You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Randomize
