I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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