I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
