I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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