I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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