I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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