Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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