I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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