I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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