she was so not down for the gang bang
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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