I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Drunk is not a location!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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