11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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